Swing for the fences with a bundle that includes:
- All 5 Cassettes
- A Pint Glass
- Some Socks
- The Pre-Order Authentic Original Signature Sticker (x3)
Our personal supply of several vinyl colors has sold out — but fear not! Foreseeing this dire eventuality, we sent a box of each (under cloak of night) to a different retailer. Click to be taken to the secret stash of remaining copies: Some Kinda Melon, True Denim, Lemon Beach Sunshine, Keylime Yum, Plum Damage
The time has arrived in your life when you’re done making choices. From now on, you’re going to have it all, or get hurt bad trying.
Very low risk of injury here. Just click “add to cart,” and we’ll start assembling your order. We’ll take our time, sure (this is a pre-order, remember), but when we finish in a couple months’ time, there it will stand: a giant box — maybe some kind of shipping container? — straining its seams, swelling its sides, postmarked to your address.
(Check out the swatch wheel in the product images to understand exactly what’s possible with vinyl colors.)
Off it will go — on the backs of six horses, maybe? — to make the journey to your home. Along the way, because they’ve never seen anything quite so LARGE on their local streets, people will stare. They’ll snap photos, which they’ll upload to the internet, and those will be shared by thousands — then millions — of people. For they, too, will have trouble accepting the gargantuan size of the merch procession making its way to your doorstep.
By the time it reaches you, there’ll be reporters gathered outside the gate, eager for a quote. Bystanders will crane their necks to glimpse your face at the moment the load is set down in front of you.
But when you open your door, and take it all in, you, of course, will be quite unimpressed. Because months before (today, in fact), you decided you were done making choices, and that you were going to have it all. You’ll have spent lots of time doing just that, and getting quite used to it.
“Still,” you’ll think, “It is quite a box.” And without betraying a thing, except perhaps in your eyes, you’ll realize you’re rather looking forward to opening it.
This item will arrive on the eighth day of October: October 8th. That’s when the album “Huffy” drops, and that guy’s steering the ship. If you’d like to order back catalog or old (“classic”) merch designs, and receive them sooner, please place a separate order.